Today I wake up with an Attitude of having fun and telling stories. So, I am going to tell you the story of my dad's last weekend on earth and his death. It truly was a magical event, if a death can be so. It is a little bit longer than my usual posts, but my dad deserves that in my opinion :0). So grab some popcorn or perhaps a glass of wine in honor of my dad and read on....
Whenever I came home from work my dad would tell me about the news of the day as he watched CNN and other channels thru the day. It was usually horrible news of killings and fires and things. Sometimes it was good, how a boy was doing well after almost drowning. Or how a cop saved someone's life. Saturday I came home from running an errand and he said "There is going to be a super moon tonight, we should go see that". He had heard about it on the news. I said "OK". Around 8pm we headed out. He said "Bring your camera, I would like some photos of it". So I did.
We drove up thru Emigration Canyon and stopped on a high point with a parking lot. It overlooked mountains and part of the valley in one direction and a large reservoir with hills behind it in the other direction. Within about 15 minutes of sitting there, the moon peeked it's face out. Slowly, ever so slowly... then faster and faster it seemed, it rose over the hills behind the reservoir. Dad was walking around the parking lot talking to other people who were there to photograph the event. I was busy taking tons of photos, but at the same time watching him smile and chat! He loved to talk!
After a half hour or so he started getting chilly so we drove on thru the canyon. He was telling me about the lady he talked to and the nice camera she had and how excited she was to be there. He conveyed that excitement thru his own. As we drove down the canyon towards the reservoir we saw a deer. That thrilled my dad too as he loved wildlife. He said "I would love to see a bear". We did not see a bear, but it did not diminish his excitement of seeing a deer in the wild. He talked about the deer and the moon the rest of the drive home.
After we got home he spent another two hours talking about the moon and the deer and I knew he had had a wonderful time. Fortuitously I decided to download my photos that night rather than wait til the next day. Another great lesson in life.. don't wait too long to do something you want or should, time may pass you by. I had them loaded and somewhat edited enough and I got to show them to dad before we went to bed. I also got to show him some other photos from my computer of bears and moose and other wildlife I saw in Alaska. He had seen the photos before, but didn't remember seeing them. So, I guess he did get to see a bear that night :0), just not IN the wild. Close enough I say. We went to bed around midnight, planning on going fishing the next day. Something else my dad liked to do, but I never knew about til the past few months.
The next day I woke up and was putzing around. Dad was up in the bathroom. He came out and said "My chest is really hurting". He has had chest pain off and on the past year. Rest and Morphine usually helped. So I gave him some morphine under his tongue and tried to get him to relax. He continued to complain about the pain and he asked "Do you think I am having a heart attack?". It was the first time he ever said anything like that... so I said "You might be dad. I am not sure (even though I was fairly sure), but there is no need to take you to the hospital because they won't do anything there other than give you pain meds and I can do that here." He said OK, but I could tell he was hurting. So I gave him a glass of red wine, his favorite drink. Red wine usually helped him to relax. He sat and drank his wine. I gave him a morphine tablet as well. He got up and walked some and I told him to lie down and rest and see if the medicine and rest would help him feel better. He sat down and then he said "I wish those damn kids would stop running up there!" We had neighbors upstairs and we could hear their kids above us. It was quite funny to me (inside of course) to hear my dad yell at the kids while he was having a heart attack. I said "I know dad, but just lie down and try to rest OK?". So he laid down on the couch. About 5 minutes after he laid down he took a gasping breath. I sat down next to him and held his hand as his eyes rolled back and he took a few more breaths.
In the end he died relatively quick and peacefully, with little suffering. My biggest fear was that his health would deteriorate and he would be bed ridden for a week or more before he died. That would have been miserable for him. He suffered with pain for a year before he died, but overall it was as good and magical as a death can be. And in poetic fashion his last drink/food on earth was a glass of wine. And his last words were truly funny, even though he yelled them.
This was the very last photo taken of my dad. It was about two weeks ago as we drove north thru another canyon and came upon this rock formation. It was titled Devil's Slide. My dad was talking about it on the Saturday before his death and how he wanted to go up there again to see it. He will now have to watch it from heaven.
I am not an aficionado of Shakespeare or anything, but I came across these two quotes that seemed appropriate for my dad.
"When a father gives to his son, both laugh; when a son gives to his father, both cry". ~W.S
My dad was very sentimental and did cry fairly easy. He also laughed easily too!
"It is a wise father that knows his children". ~W.S.
I feel my dad knew his kids well. He treated us all differently as we are all very different people. He gave me the freedom that is my essence. We didn't talk much over the past 18 years, but we both knew we loved each other and I hope he didn't take my "silence" as non loving. I am confident he knew me well enough. The last few months of his life he dreamed of hitting the lottery so he could give me enough money to travel the world. He gave me so much more than that!
It definitely reminds me of the song "The Leader of The Band" by Dan Fogelberg.
"I thank you for the freedom, when it came my time to go
I thank you for the kindness, and the times when you got tough
And Papa I don't think I said, "I love you" near enough" ~Dan Fogelberg
Now Go Out and Hug a Father Today!
