I was recently "chatting" with my nephew Nathan. You know, via text, as the young folk tend to do. Oh yeah, that is how I chat now as well. Maybe I am young? Hmmm, that's food for thought. Did somebody say Food? Now I am hungry. Does anybody want to send me cookies? OK, I got off track there. Anyway, I asked him what was on his mind. His reply surprised me and inspired me! He said, "What's on my mind? Self-Improvement". What a thoughtful, self-aware answer. We all need Self-Improvement for sure. For a 17 year old, who lost his father last year, to be aware of it and acknowledge it is quite astounding to me! I never had thoughts like that when I was 17. I have decided to work on my own Self-Improvement thanks to his reply.
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| See, cookies show love AND they are delicious! |
Like I said, we all need Self-Improvement, and I certainly am no exception to that rule! So, for the rest of 2022 and all the years to follow, I will do my best to improve myself as much as I can. To help me along the way, I am going to list some things I feel I need to improve upon the most. This way, I can revisit this post and remember what I need to work on. I encourage each of you to make such a list as well. Feel free to share them with me, your other friends, and your family. That way they can help you on your way. I believe Self-Improvement starts with self, but extends to family and friends to help. Not only do we all need to Self-Improve, but we all need help along the way as well. That is the first thing I will be working on to improve in myself. Asking for help when I need it! In fact, I asked Connie what she thought I needed to improve. She said "You need to stop sighing at me". She sure is funny isn't she? But she also has a point. Sighing at someone is a sign of frustration, but without any real communication. I need to communicate better for sure! So that is something I will work on. In order to do that, I need to decrease distractions and listen better. Among other things. But first...
Help! I need somebody. Help! Not just anybody. Help! You know I need someone, Heeelp. Asking for help is something I need to improve on. Being strong and independent can be great qualities, but asking for help when you are overwhelmed is a great quality as well. I will try to ask others for help when I need it. One thing I have learned is when you allow other people to help you, you are actually helping them feel useful. Most people I know want to be useful.
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| Sometimes help is absolutely needed. This seems obvious in certain situations, but less obvious in others. Just don't be afraid to ask for it! |
The next thing I am going to work on for improvement is Kindness. Yes, I try to be kind in every situation I am in, but I fail miserably sometimes as well. With the ways of the world right now, I get caught up in media, news, conversations, etc. that encourage negativity and even meanness. I want to change that in myself, and hopefully that encourages others to do the same. I want to get rid of all the stigmas that we see daily with the internet and social media. How can you possibly know someone's true heart if you have never met them in person? I believe it is impossible actually. This includes ALL the people I have never met, but have been told negative things about. I am going to try to speak of everyone kindly as I move forward. Even if I have met them, I can focus on their good qualities. If I disagree with their thoughts and opinions, I can be kind in my disagreement with them. And hopefully it is reciprocated.
Confrontation can actually be useful when done right. It does help to resolve conflicts. Connie has taught me this better than anyone, and I still have a lot to learn. She is so good at voicing her thoughts and doing it in an educational, kindhearted way. To me, she is a master at useful confrontation to resolve conflicts.
Here is a story from my past that really drives home what I am talking about. It is simultaneously one of my most shameful moments and one of the coolest things I have ever witnessed.
In 2003 I was on a boat in Russia for summer camp with Maria's Children. On the boat we did activities and master classes. One of the classes was on dancing and we were going to perform a dance for the whole boat at the end of the trip. We had this intense dance instructor from America. I am sure she is/was good at what she did, but she didn't always go about it in the proper way. During our rehearsal, one of our kids was struggling to keep up with the pace. This was due to the fact that he had Cerebral Palsy and physically couldn't keep up at the pace she wanted. So, she went over to him and told him he needed to sit this one out. He was smiling and said "OK" and went to sit down. Shamefully I just stood there and watched and did nothing! I figured since he was "smiling", that all was well and everyone was happy and at peace. Luckily, my friend Erica is a lot smarter and stronger than me. She went up to the instructor and in a kind way said "Oh no, Denis is not going to sit this one out. We will adjust however we need to adjust to allow him to keep participating. He is part of this group and will perform with us". That was a paraphrase, since this was 19 years ago. The instructor reluctantly allowed Denis to continue. I am sure it made her "job" harder, but it was the right thing to do. Denis performed wonderfully and we all had such a great time doing our dance. The whole boat, which was full of Russian tourists, loved it as well. This is a time that confrontation served a purpose to help solve a conflict, and served it well! The fact I remember this 19 years later, you would think this event would have made me be better at useful confrontation. But sadly I need a lot more work!
As I am writing this, I found it interesting that Kindness and Confrontation/Conflict Resolution can actually go hand in hand! This is something I truly didn't consider or fully understand until this exact moment! My Self-Improvement is well on its way, thanks to this blog post! In saying this, I would encourage each of you to share what you feel you need to improve upon. Sometimes we just can't see the forest for the trees. Talking/Writing about it can help you "see" better. Just like right now as I am writing this, I saw a forest of opportunity for interlinking Kindness and Confrontation/Conflict Resolution. I am always open for input from my friends. So please let me know if you feel there is something I can improve on. See, I am already working on my first improvement, Help!
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| If people can be kind to animals, we can be kind to each other! I will gladly accept a head rub or a hug anytime! :0) |
This leads me to my third feature I need to work on. Confrontation/Conflict Resolution. I struggled whether to call this Confrontations or Conflict Resolution? In the end, I think they mostly go hand in hand. If you have a conflict, you should try to resolve it if you can. Whether it is a conflict within yourself or with someone else, do your best to resolve it. Most times this will involve a confrontation of sorts. Confrontation is my biggest fear. I am not sure why that is? I do know it is rooted deeply inside me. It could be a result of genetic makeup or past events, or both? Either way, I know I can do better with it. In my world, I just want everyone to be happy and at peace all the time. This is not necessarily a bad ideology! However, it isn't always practical or right, especially when you have a conflict you should resolve. This leads me to brush off negative thoughts and comments and focus on happier things. It is a defense mechanism that has served me well in some situations. It also serves me poorly in other situations. To resolve some conflicts, you have to be somewhat confrontational. I don't mean I will seek it out and confront people to just be confrontational. What I mean is that I will confront people and ideas I don't agree with and do it with kindness and a purpose. Part of this improvement will be learning when to speak up and when it is OK to just let some things/thoughts be. I want to voice my thoughts to make positive change. This is not something I have always been good at doing. Sometimes I do well, but other times I shrink up. If that makes sense. In doing this, I hope to educate people around me on what I believe is good. I also hope to learn things from other people that think differently from me.
Confrontation can actually be useful when done right. It does help to resolve conflicts. Connie has taught me this better than anyone, and I still have a lot to learn. She is so good at voicing her thoughts and doing it in an educational, kindhearted way. To me, she is a master at useful confrontation to resolve conflicts.
Here is a story from my past that really drives home what I am talking about. It is simultaneously one of my most shameful moments and one of the coolest things I have ever witnessed.
In 2003 I was on a boat in Russia for summer camp with Maria's Children. On the boat we did activities and master classes. One of the classes was on dancing and we were going to perform a dance for the whole boat at the end of the trip. We had this intense dance instructor from America. I am sure she is/was good at what she did, but she didn't always go about it in the proper way. During our rehearsal, one of our kids was struggling to keep up with the pace. This was due to the fact that he had Cerebral Palsy and physically couldn't keep up at the pace she wanted. So, she went over to him and told him he needed to sit this one out. He was smiling and said "OK" and went to sit down. Shamefully I just stood there and watched and did nothing! I figured since he was "smiling", that all was well and everyone was happy and at peace. Luckily, my friend Erica is a lot smarter and stronger than me. She went up to the instructor and in a kind way said "Oh no, Denis is not going to sit this one out. We will adjust however we need to adjust to allow him to keep participating. He is part of this group and will perform with us". That was a paraphrase, since this was 19 years ago. The instructor reluctantly allowed Denis to continue. I am sure it made her "job" harder, but it was the right thing to do. Denis performed wonderfully and we all had such a great time doing our dance. The whole boat, which was full of Russian tourists, loved it as well. This is a time that confrontation served a purpose to help solve a conflict, and served it well! The fact I remember this 19 years later, you would think this event would have made me be better at useful confrontation. But sadly I need a lot more work!
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| This photo could be indicative of a useful confrontation. A mother educating her daughter, or a daughter educating her mother. |
As I am writing this, I found it interesting that Kindness and Confrontation/Conflict Resolution can actually go hand in hand! This is something I truly didn't consider or fully understand until this exact moment! My Self-Improvement is well on its way, thanks to this blog post! In saying this, I would encourage each of you to share what you feel you need to improve upon. Sometimes we just can't see the forest for the trees. Talking/Writing about it can help you "see" better. Just like right now as I am writing this, I saw a forest of opportunity for interlinking Kindness and Confrontation/Conflict Resolution. I am always open for input from my friends. So please let me know if you feel there is something I can improve on. See, I am already working on my first improvement, Help!
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| Writing your thoughts down will help you on your journey. |
I was chatting with a friend recently. We were talking about the over usage of phones. This has led me to the third thing I will work on improving. I will work on decreasing distractions to live more in the moment. This is something I am fairly good at, but I do allow things to creep in and distract me... mostly my phone and Snapchat. Since I love photography, I use it as a convenient excuse for why I use my phone more than I should. I will try to do better at balancing this out. Balance is the key in a lot of life improvements I believe. Yes, I will still take photos with my phone. I will most likely still use Snapchat. (That is up for debate though). I still think phones can be useful and even fun to a certain degree. For me that fun is photography. However, I can still put it down more often and live more in the moment! I will have to learn to just take more "mental" photos. This should help me to focus more on the people who are important in my life. You know who you are, I hope. :0) Hopefully I will learn to talk more about the photo I was going to take, instead of sharing it from a distance. It is a mild conundrum, as I LOVE seeing photos of other people and their children. My balance will be focused on sharing said photos with people who I might not see anytime soon, especially if they live hundreds of miles away. Distractions can lead to distancing, but I feel that is more relevant to people you are closer to in proximity. Hopefully that makes sense to you all, because it makes sense in my brain. Which is scary I know. I love the following lyrics by Jason Mraz "Living In The Moment".
Living in the momentLiving our lifeEasy and breezyWith peace in my mindWith peace in my heartPeace in my soulWherever I'm going, I'm already homeLiving in the moment
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| If I am ever looking at my phone while giving you a hug, wake me up please! |
One thing I would like to point out here is that Self-Improvement is exactly that... SELF IMPROVEment. It doesn't mean you have to be perfect. It just means you should try to improve skills you already have. You know, things you are already good at, but can be better. It is not about trying to do a 180 to make yourself better, or adding a big list of skills you don't already use. It is about making strides forward with the tools you already have, while adding a few other tools to your belt. For instance, I know I am fairly good at being Kind, but there is so much room for improvement. And I am horrific at conflict resolution/confrontation, so I need to keep trying to develop tools to help me be better at that. In the end, all we can do is TRY to improve ourselves without trying to prove anything. And that should make the world a better place overall. Do you agree?
The focus of this blog is Self-Improvement, but there are other things to update everyone on. Ugly Biscuits Bed and Breakfast had a successful first few months! We opened Memorial weekend and were full the first weekend! We had rooms booked almost every night through the summer, and our weekends were pretty much full. It has been a fun, exhausting, and educational experience for sure. We look forward to how the Winter and Spring will go, as we gear up for another busy summer. Along the way, we have found a little time to enjoy friends and family. We have had several friends book with us, and we have really enjoyed hosting them. So, what are YOU waiting for?? Come stay and play with us. We would love to see you this year!
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| Wouldn't you love to see this sunrise? |
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| Or the Big Dipper like this? |
Other things to catch up on... I am still loving my weekend gig at American Family Children's Hospital. Connie is still a nurse at the VA in Madison part time. She really enjoys caring for the veterans. Katie continues to make delicious food for our guests. She is a wiz in the kitchen and has fun with it. She is also looking forward to advancing her education in conservation, working towards a masters degree in the next few years. Louie continues to enjoy walks and long naps at home. Dixie still loves chasing her chuck it balls and eating whenever she gets a chance. They certainly make life fun.
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| They love laying in the cool dirt during a hot summer day. I actually recommend it too. |
That is about it from here. We look forward to another fun and exciting year. We actually have travel plans in March. We are going to Costa Rica with Mitch and Sandy! It will be our first international trip together, and we are so excited!! We certainly hope you all are doing well and that 2023 is full of all kinds of improvement.... Self, World, Attitude, and any other kinds of improvement you can think of. Take great care of yourselves and the ones around you, send us updates when you find a little time to do so, and let us know when you are ready to book a room or book the whole place! 10% discount if you book the whole place. Ask us how.
You can google us at Ugly Biscuits Bed and Breakfast
Or go directly to our website
www.uglybiscuitsbnb.com
Now Go Out and Improve Your Hugging Skills!!!
